Male Chastity Journal – 4
I feel a bit sad, and I keep going over it in my mind — the moment I was locked in chastity felt so... casual. I had hoped for something more meaningful, maybe a kind of ritual. I imagined kneeling, maybe kissing her feet — something symbolic. Instead, it was all kind of clinical: putting on the device over already-prepared genitals, handing over the keys, and that was it. Nothing more. It felt emotionally flat, almost mechanical. That was disappointing.
But I realize that kind of ritual was just a fantasy of mine. I can't expect her to act it out if it's not her thing. The fact that she agreed to hold the key and expects me to live in chastity — that already means a lot.
Going out for my birthday dinner was a normal kind of challenge. I can carry on with daily life and usual activities without thinking too much about the device. Sometimes I even forget I’m wearing it during the day. But at night? That’s another story. I've woken up a few times with my penis trying to get hard, only to be stopped — painfully — by the device. It's a brutal experience. Honestly, it scares me. I miss having erections, even if I know I shouldn't, because they could lead to masturbation and ejaculation.
What really worries me is whether I’ll be able to keep this up long-term — wearing the device permanently and living without sex. Can I handle the frustration and the constant desire that I’m not allowed to satisfy? I know why I’m doing this, but deep down, I sometimes ask myself: why am I putting myself through this? What do I get out of it? Maybe I’m not as submissive as I thought I was. Maybe I’ve made a huge mistake.
Then there’s the health side of things. What long-term effects will chastity have on my body? I don’t want to become impotent, even if I’ve accepted the possibility of never using my penis for sex again. It would still hit hard — my sense of masculinity would definitely take a blow. I think I’ll need to process all this more deeply, maybe even with professional help.
That said, I don’t see the whole thing as purely negative. If I did, I wouldn’t have chosen it. Strangely enough, I actually felt a kind of pleasure when the device was locked on. Maybe this kind of life is meant for me. The pressure from the steel isn’t unbearable, though having something foreign on my genitals feels odd. As long as the cage and base ring are positioned well, it’s not too uncomfortable. I think I can get used to it.
I just need to keep my long-term goals in mind — improving my relationship and becoming more productive — so I don’t let work or responsibilities slide. Those two things matter more than my selfish needs.